This weekend I went to America. Or I left America. I’m not really sure which. But there were stupid people there who said stupid things.
In Publix on Saturday I tried to pass myself off as a Real American with my cart full of Tastycakes and Cheetos. But the cashier was young, blonde, and highly trained. As I handed her a fistful of American dollars and a dime she immediately detected my un-Americanishness.
She clutched the dime and licked her lips excitedly. She held the dime up to the light for a moment until she appeared to remember that coins don’t have watermarks. She turned the coin back and forth in her hand, squinting thoughtfully, then announced to me and everyone within a 10 mile radius, “This dime is CANADIAN. I can’t take it.”
I gave her my best raised eyebrows and said “Uhhhhhhh, why not?”
“Because this is America! And we use American money here,” she said.
She was serious.
I muttered a bit, dug around for another dime, ignored her when she told me to have a good day, and left the store feeling defeated Canadian.
Back at my car, as I loaded in my groceries I thought about how many times I would not use my turn signals on the way home. I made the 10 minute journey back to Canadia, where I spent the night saying “eh”, drinking Molson and listening to the Tragically Hip.
2 Comments
April 5, 2009 at 11:53 pm
The first time I ever went to Canada I felt very weird because I was looking for a place to get Canadian money and the lady in the store cheerfully said, “We take American money here. I know you won’t take our money, but we’ll take yours.” She was very cheery about it and I pretty much felt like a heel.
The whole time I was there I felt like either 1) all Canadians have an inferiority complex or 2) the U.S. is a crappy country that tries to make Canada feel inferior for some reason.
Just for the record, I have nothing against Canada and don’t think you’re inferior at all. Although just me saying that is probably in some way condescending, but I don’t mean for it to be.
Honestly, I think most people, even Americans will admit that we are gauche. Can’t help it — it’s just our culture.
April 6, 2009 at 9:50 am
Wendy – that was just my sarcasm speaking. I’m American – or at least I’m Floridian which is kind of close. That’s why I wanted to punch that little cashier in the face. Well not really. I don’t want to punch anyone really but she was very arrogant considering I’ve been an American for about 30 years longer than she has. You’re right. Totally gauche.