Like a watermelon falling off the back of a truck

I’m fairly trembling with energy.
My tiny chihuahua-sized cold isn’t stopping me.  
The weekend before I got my chihuahua sized cold, I had no energy. I languished by the TV watching the Food Network all weekend. “Such amazing people. They cook. Why does my face feel like it’s melting off?” 
This week I am my own HGTV/Food Network star.
Lots of [...]

Lover, you should’ve come over

I’ve met someone.

He’s quiet, thoughtful and down to earth.
He enjoys gardening and evenings at home.
He’s cheerful and a good listener.
We’re planning an October wedding.

That and a dime will get you a cup of Canada

This weekend I went to America. Or I left America. I’m not really sure which. But there were stupid people there who said stupid things.
In Publix on Saturday I tried to pass myself off as a Real American with my cart full of Tastycakes and Cheetos. But the cashier was young, blonde, and highly trained. As I handed her [...]

Pysanky

Ukrainian people are known for their craft of  colorful and intricately decorated Easter eggs called pysanky. My mother taught my sister and I how to make these eggs when we were children and the three of us continue this tradition today.
The eggs are decorated by applying hot beeswax to an egg with a stylus. When [...]

Either the emergency broadcast system isn’t working or my reception stinks

Because:
I missed the bulletin that every dipshit was going to call today with questions that have nothing to do with my job, like why the post office hasn’t forwarded mail and where they can pay their taxes.
I missed the bulletin that every visitor from NewYorkMichiganIowaIllinoisNewJerseyWisconsinPennsylvaniaandOntario was going to be out and about learning how to turn into a [...]

What is vim and what is vigor?

Sleep a little later. Feed the cats. It always starts with feeding the cats.
Eat pie for breakfast. Sneeze a few times and wonder why my nose is stuffed. Linger over that cup of morning coffee with Finding George Orwell in Burma. Start Hamlet’s Dresser by Bob Smith.
Hang clothes on the line. Wash dishes. Pull a few weeds. Fuss over potted [...]

Just a thought

I drove the back roads to Boca on Saturday and went through Clewiston, America’s Sweetest Town. I yelped with delight because it’s in the middle of nowhere and I kind of like the middle of nowhere, especially if it’s sweet and has a road called Sugarland Highway.
I grew up in the middle of nowhere, which [...]

In which I describe a series of 3 weird coincidences

Number One: Last Saturday I borrowed the German film “Goodbye Lenin” from the library but I didn’t watch it right away.
On Monday I was given a copy of “Ladies in Lavender” to watch. But then I remembered I’d already seen it so I sent it back to Neflix without even looking at it.
Last night I watched “Goodbye Lenin”. Great [...]

this is what happens

I pulled them in the wagon around the driveway and up and down the road. We’d have tea parties with tiny china cups and juice, animal crackers, raisins and apple slices. When I filled up the kiddie pool they had to wait until the afternoon to  use it because the well water was so cold.
They liked to wear bright [...]

it didn’t rain

The Glory of a Saturday.
Today I:
did laundry and hung it on the line even though it was 97 degrees
listened to the new Paste Sampler of world music and liked almost all of it
went to Elysian Fields and bought a present for someone
got cut off by 2 Asian bitches who really, really pissed me off
went to Borders and bought 1000 Artist [...]