Oil can

Summer lethargy has set in.
I am depleted.
My body is a rusty machine. My brain shrivels. Soon it will be a raisin.

Today is the day I got mistaken for a high school student

Today is the day I got mistaken for a high school student.
On Friday mornings I go to the high school to mentor a student. (Also known as pretending to be a successful, well-adjusted adult with her shit together.) Today when I was leaving, a blind, oblivious,drunken, highly trained and professional staff member asked me for my [...]

What is vim and what is vigor?

Sleep a little later. Feed the cats. It always starts with feeding the cats.
Eat pie for breakfast. Sneeze a few times and wonder why my nose is stuffed. Linger over that cup of morning coffee with Finding George Orwell in Burma. Start Hamlet’s Dresser by Bob Smith.
Hang clothes on the line. Wash dishes. Pull a few weeds. Fuss over potted [...]

fear failure much?

I had the MOTHER of all TEST dreams this morning. Summary: College algebra, haven’t studied, haven’t done assignments, no idea when class is - oh it’s in  20 minutes, no book, no pencil, find a pencil w/no eraser, find another pencil- it’s dull, can’t find classroom, can’t see teacher through window to see if it’s my class, listen [...]

Things to not do in May

These are things I will not be doing in May or any other month for that matter:

bible thumping
using double negatives
joining the NRA
listening to Mariah Carey
wearing a visor
tailgating
sampling cold cuts as if they’re a snack
admiring Tyra Banks

Things not done on a sunny day

There are many enjoyable things I am not doing that could be done a beautiful day like this. If I wasn’t at work, trapped in an airless, lightless office that sucks the life out of me, I might be doing some or even all of the following: 

having a picnic
watching birds
sailing little paper boats down a stream
making [...]

More things I’m not doing

I am very excited about all the things I am not doing! It’s genius. How satisfying to create lists of things I haven’t done and don’t plan on doing as opposed to the drudgery of listing things I do that very routine and ordinary.  Look at me – I’m not special.
Here are more things I am not doing:

Stopping for a [...]

Things I didn’t do this weekend

Since everyone’s life seems cooler than mine I am thinking I might write about trendy things I didn’t do recently.
For example, this weekend I didn’t:

eat sushi
wear crocs
take a photography class
go kayaking
use sea salt
watch Juno
do yoga