Super comeback to the rescue

I just ran a few errands during lunch and guess what? The I’ve Got My Knickers in a Wrinkle Brigade is out and about. The acting President and Crank at Large was in the drycleaner’s. She was dropping off one of those chenille-type throws that you can buy at Target for $14. Hers was special because [...]

Trust me to think for myself

A former co-worker forwarded me an email today, criticizing the proposed health care plan. I  exchange Christmas cards with this woman but I haven’ t talked to her in a few years so I was kind of surprised that she didn’t even bother to ask about me or my family. Or my cats.
I believe her [...]

In a former life I was a court jester

From A Catalog of Client Types, page 38DD: This client’s  inability to complete simple tasks will  be a frequent source of frustration. She’s never met an excuse she didn’t long to try on and check out in a 3-way mirror. She is misunderstood, stressed, overworked and scantily dressed. After unproductive meetings with her you are tempted [...]

Spelling lesson

Dysfunction is spelled with a Y.
and a D: Do you ever stop talking?
and a Y: Y why aren’t you treating me like a hero when I tracked down information you were too lazy to get?
And an S: Saying the same thing over and over- and over
And an F: Feeble
And a U: Understanding anything I’m saying?
And an N: [...]

Observation

You can’t reason with your brain when it enters worry mode in the middle of the night. It will go where it wants to. There is no stopping it. It will act out scenarios and present little dramatic plays which, though entertaining, are not relaxing. At 3:45 my brain turns into Quentin Tarantino.
I’ve given up [...]

That and a dime will get you a cup of Canada

This weekend I went to America. Or I left America. I’m not really sure which. But there were stupid people there who said stupid things.
In Publix on Saturday I tried to pass myself off as a Real American with my cart full of Tastycakes and Cheetos. But the cashier was young, blonde, and highly trained. As I handed her [...]

Charles Widmore got to Dish Network

I love LOST, I love LOST, I love LOST. If it’s Wednesday night I am watching the clock gleefully anticipating 9 pm when I experience confusion interspersed with brief moments of insight. And Desmond.
 
Last night Jack was waking up in a jungle. Again, without me. Just once I’d like to wake up beside him. And [...]

How about you don’t call me sweetheart and I won’t call you an ass

It’s cold.
And  some guy I’ve never met just called me sweetheart on the phone, causing the temperature in my cubicle to drop another 20 degrees.
I wish there was a way to store today’s cold temperatures for use some soupy July day when I am sweaty, lethargic and miserable.

Either the emergency broadcast system isn’t working or my reception stinks

Because:
I missed the bulletin that every dipshit was going to call today with questions that have nothing to do with my job, like why the post office hasn’t forwarded mail and where they can pay their taxes.
I missed the bulletin that every visitor from NewYorkMichiganIowaIllinoisNewJerseyWisconsinPennsylvaniaandOntario was going to be out and about learning how to turn into a [...]

In which I interview myself regarding spiders, killing them, and why I hate them

Where did you kill the first spider of 2009? Outside – it was clinging to a laundry basket when I brought my clothes in off the line and I shrieked and ran back outside with the basket. It hung from its stupid silk thread and tried to tangle me up in it. Silk my ass. Bastard.
Where [...]