parking incident

Yesterday we drove up to St. Armand’s to hit the gift shops and to get another taste of the best calzones made in Sarasota County. There was an Art show and parking was impossible. I spied two spaces at the end of the street. A prominent yellow sign was posted that read “Compact cars only”. Yaris is proud to be a compact car. I pulled into the space on the end, and decided I didn’t like being by the fire hydrant and that I’d make it easier for someone else to park if I backed up. [I can’t just park – it has to be a 20 minute decision.]

E and I are getting out of the car and I notice a van hovering at the corner. Surely they aren’t considering parking in this prime spot on the end? It’s reserved for compact cars.

So when they took the spot we were outraged. As they get out of the car I say “That spot is for compact cars, see the sign?” The old woman looks at me dumbly and says nothing. Two ugly little kids crawl out of the van, smear snot away with their hands and pick at their pants. The lard ass driver lumbers over near me and smirks. She’s like a whale. I repeat my observation “That space is for compact cars – there’s a sign.”
“I saw the sign,” lardass says.

“Well,” I reply,  “You don’t have a compact car- it’s a van.” It seems obvious, but I figure I’ll repeat it just in case she’s out of it.

Lardass brushes past me with her blubbery, jiggling legs  and says “Yes, but it’s also a handicapped.”  The motley group toddles off, presumably to find some corn nuts and pork rinds. They appear fit. There is no handicapped tag or license. There are no canes, walkers or seeing eye dogs.

I approach a cop who is dozing in his car in the middle of the traffic circle and ask him about it. He says it isn’t a citable offense and that it’s a courtesy sign.

About 10 minutes later E came up with the perfect comeback – ” I didn’t know being a bitch was a handicap.” ba-dum-bum.

After browsing a couple of our favorite shops we got a calzone at Joe’s or whatever the hell the name is. They brush them with butter and sprinkle oregano, garlic salt and sugar (I think) on top.  Their dough has just the right degree of crustiness.

We stopped at B&N on the way back where I happily spent an hour listening to CD’s. I was disappointed that they didn’t have Beirut since I’ve been obsessed with Elephant Gun since seeing the video this week.


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