It’s pints! My local Publix freezer has given birth to pints of Stephen Colbert’s AmeriCone Dream ice cream.
While the rest of the country has reveled in AmeriCone Dream’s flavorful freedom festival for months, the stork apparently got lost on the way to Florida. For 7 months.
But no matter. I have it now and the delicious blend of creamy vanilla, smooth caramel and waffling goodness is the perfect treat to enjoy while cruising through town in my big-ass truck. It is the perfect treat to enjoy while watching the O’Reilly Factor. It is the perfect treat to enjoy while writing letters of support to 13th District of Florida Congressman, Vern Buchanan.
Stephen, I pledge to eat AmeriCone Dream by the dawn’s early light and at the twilight’s last gleaming. I pledge to eat it with a piece of apple pie. I proudly accept the civic duty that comes with each truthy spoonful and delight in knowing that my gluttony contributes to the Stephen Colbert AmeriCone Dream Fund.
I get the all natural fat-laden reward I so richly deserve, and the spoils go to the rest. And that is what I call true patriotism.