Down: On the way to a college music audition a car may be stopped in the middle of a very busy 6 lane highway and you may not be able to stop in time to avoid hitting it

Up: You think you are fucked and about to become the middle part of a multi-car wreck, but everyone else is able to stop and you live another day

 Down: Car looks like someone punched it in the nose

Up: Car is perfectly driveable

Up: Other car is fine

Down: FHP saw you had already exchanged insurance and asked if you wanted an accident report and you said yes since that’s what they taught you in driver’s ed 500 years ago and you’d never had an accident before and he didn’t bother to explain that he would proceed to write you up since you rear ended someone

Up: Audition goes well and your daughter gets accepted to music school

Down: School’s tuition is $28,000

Up: There is a promise of scholarships

Down: You wish you were the one going off to college

Up: Two days earlier she auditioned and was accepted at another college

Down: Friday you will drive 5 1/2 hours to another audition

Up: Friday you will be off work

Down: Your cat has been dragging her ass on the carpet  

Up: You know the song “Shit Luck” but it’s not a very hummable tune

Down: The dentist charged $104 for a teeth cleaning

Up: Your teeth glisten

Down: You are reading an historical-romance-time travel book called Outlander, where the heroine runs around the moors with a hunky Highlander and has frequent sex with him in between death-defying adventures

Up: The book is entertaining

Down: You keep thinking about how you try to follow rules and do things the right way and how you always end up fucking yourself over, like by getting a citation that you could have avoided, even though you can take an online course so you won’t have points, but still you wonder why the FHP cop couldn’t have just kindly mentioned to you the way it worked so that you could avoid the citation because you really don’t like being labeled as a careless driver when it wasn’t even your fault that some douchebags from Washington DC decided to sit stopped in the middle lane of I-4 because someone in front of them put on their emergency brake or stopped and which was it anyway and why didn’t they stop and then go again so that you wouldn’t slam into the back of their car and have to wonder for 15 seconds if you were going to die and later live and be labeled as a careless driver

Down: People say trite things about being “a child at heart” or “being on a journey”  and it makes you cringe just like when they say “old school” or “back in the day

Down: You hate not being in on all the adult secrets like how to not get a citation when you rear-end someone and how to cheat on your income tax return and how to get stuff for free and how to talk to people without feeling like an awkward spaz and how to let things go instead of obsessing about them and constantly blaming yourself for everything that’s a down


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