fear failure much?

I had the MOTHER of all TEST dreams this morning. Summary: College algebra, haven’t studied, haven’t done assignments, no idea when class is – oh it’s in  20 minutes, no book, no pencil, find a pencil w/no eraser, find another pencil- it’s dull, can’t find classroom, can’t see teacher through window to see if it’s my class, listen for teacher’s voice to see if it’s my class (apparently I’m a dog?), end up outside and unable get back in building, stop to talk to a random black man (not Obama), get back in the building and still can’t find class, discover a new corridor and see teacher, explain that I’m not a fuck-up, I’m usually a good student but I’ve gotten sidetracked – then I say I don’t know why I care, I’ve been through college already and I start to tell him about the jobs I’ve had, he gives me the raised eyebrow & walks away. I try to read classmates’ notes as they study in the hall, some girl says she studied EWR (Newark?) and I’m like -shit what is that, how am I going to pull this off, I have no clue, I’m going to fucking utterly fail and I say to dreamself “I know, I’ll wake up” – and I do. It’s 6 am. I force myself to write the dream down in my journal because it’s so filled with insecurities and fear of failure that it’s actually funny. I should win a prize.

Dreaming is creepy.


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