You know what I love? I love that I never use the computer at home, and yet I always manage to be the one who cleans the mouse.
I love that there’s a bathroom in this house that I don’t use, and yet I am almost always the one who cleans it.
Why do it you ask?
Because that’s another thing that I love. I love triumphing over dirt and grime. Cleaning is just the sort of mind numbing housework I long for on a Friday night after 40 hours of mind numbing work work. Sometimes I will even dust and run the vacuum so that when I wake up at 6 a.m. on Saturday morning, because it’s impossible for me to sleep in on any day other than a week day, I can sit in my clean living room and read and drink coffee for 2 hours. I’m drooling at the thought of it.
I also love “What not to Wear” on Friday nights. I sit all slouchy and unkempt in my jeans and stained t-shirt and make fun of people for having bad wardrobes. Sometimes I mutter “Wow. You totally look like a whore. Have you heard of fabric?” At that point a cat usually climbs up on my lap and tries to stick her butt in my face.
Then I laugh at how silly it is that everyone says Stacy and Clinton changed their lives and took them on a journey of self-discovery. They’ve discovered that a nice wardrobe starts with $5000 and a big helping of Dry Clean Only. Like who couldn’t have a closet full of sweet outfits with that kind of money?
And when What Not to Wear is in reruns I love to watch Bear Grylls drink his own piss in the desert and start a fire from the gleaming reflection of his own teeth. He has the coolest name ever, a brilliant accent and he kicks so much ass.
And I love deciding which snackercise I will participate in. Ice cream, cookies, wine. Maybe all 3 if I start early enough.
And if there’s a summer thunderstorm and there are no electronics to divert me – jackpot. I’m cozy and dry, drinking wine and watching the lightning, and dreaming of My Mr. Darcy.