Something happened when I picked up my new glasses tonight.
I sort of got pissy. I could see well and the glasses looked fine – they’re not that much different than my other glasses and are in fact the same prescription: pretty close to blind. But in general things took on a darker, more annoying quality with the new glasses perched on my nose.
Could it be that my other glasses were rose colored? Perhaps I’m like a deviant Clark Kent. Instead of taking my glasses off and morphing into Superwoman, I become Contrary Superwench when I put the new glasses on.
I was wearing the new glasses when I decided I would finally put a new bulb in the light attached to the garage door opener. I’m standing on a ladder trying to pull the stupid plastic cover off and I’m saying to myself “This is lame. Do not tell me I need to unscrew something to get this cover off.”
I did need to unscrew something to get the cover off and it was more work than it should have been to change a couple of lightbulbs and I started to sweat. And I acknowledge that it’s not really that big of a deal, especially when babies are getting sick from formula and the economy is in the gutter, but for some reason it was a big deal to me.
And as I’m trying to tame my garage door light aggression I see a plastic bag in my garden, just lying there among the plants, and I had to pick it up and throw it away.
My veggie patty fell apart before I could even cook it and I had to mash it back together with my hands. How is that a patty? I paid for pattys not crumbles.
I had to hunt down E’s last report card to send in with the whopping car insurance premium that’s due so that we can get a good student discount. Does anyone even really look at that documentation?
Oh and I had to put the garbage out and wash dishes. What the hell? Where are my servants? Where is Darcy?
the old glasses, resting quietly. These glasses helped me read about the exquisite details of Darcy’s personality and watch his purposeful walk through the misty meadow about 60 times.
Behold the new glasses, itching to raise some hell. And I said “thanks but no thanks to the bridge to nowhere.” Lord save me from the flames of hell.