Where did you kill the first spider of 2009? Outside – it was clinging to a laundry basket when I brought my clothes in off the line and I shrieked and ran back outside with the basket. It hung from its stupid silk thread and tried to tangle me up in it. Silk my ass. Bastard.
Where did you kill the second spider of 2009? In my bathroom shower.
How did you kill it? I whacked it with a Pantene bottle. Hard. (That’s what she said.)
Why did you kill these harmless arachnids? Self-defense. Do we really know if they’re harmless?
What did the first spider of 2009 look like after you killed it? Mush.
What did the second spider of 2009 look like after you killed it? It was in 4 [ugly] pieces.
How did you feel? Like a champion both times. Endorphins.
What are your future plans regarding spiders? I will kill them. I will kill them all.
Why do you hate spiders? They’re ugly and scary. They’re menacing. They’re fast. They leave me in a bone-chilling grip of fear.
Is there anything you fear as much as spiders? A couple of things actually…Celine Dion, zealots, blue tooth technology.
Do you have any advice for those just getting started killing spiders? Don’t be afraid to get creative. Try different methods and see what works best.