I just ran a few errands during lunch and guess what? The I’ve Got My Knickers in a Wrinkle Brigade is out and about. The acting President and Crank at Large was in the drycleaner’s. She was dropping off one of those chenille-type throws that you can buy at Target for $14. Hers was special because it not only required dry cleaning but it was the color of vomit and had fringe. When she was told it might take 10 days she grumbled that it was an exorbitant amount of time – even though she admitted there was no rush, grumble, grumble. No – there probably wouldn’t be seeing as how it’s not predicted to go below 90 until maybe some time in November.
Then she was asked to sign a release. This is where it gets interesting – or maybe just slightly less boring. Long, deadly pause. Head shaking. “Sign a release for what?’ asked Crank at Large.
“Well there are some pulls in it here and there and there’s a possibility it could get damaged or it could fade,” replied Dry Cleaning Lady.
(see Seinfeld “The Stock Tip”)
“So you’re not taking any responsiblity then,” said Crank At Large, ” Just like the doctors! Well I’m sick of it. No wants to…I, I…I’ll deal with it myself.” With that, she began gathering up her vomit colored fringed throw.
“Sorry, I’m just following procedure,” said Dry Cleaning Lady politely.
(I hate writing dialogue)
Crank at Large turned to go, then leaned in toward Dry Cleaning Woman aggressively and said “I’m just tired of everyone wanting to get off the hook by making me sign things, you know what I mean.”
Dry Cleaning Lady blinked and licked her lips.
At that moment heraldic trumpets produced a majestic fanfare that only I could hear, and I stepped forward bravely and said “You should probably just stay home then. Because that’s life and you need to deal with it. ” Super Comeback Queen to the rescue.
“Not my life it isn’t!” Crank retorted.
She stormed out (or maybe she just left quietly). Dry Cleaning Lady thanked me and we bashed Crank at Large for a few minutes, chuckling about what a wretched, miserable old hag she was.
Of course, my comeback was stupid. The worst. (see Seinfeld “The Comeback”) I could have said “You missed your chance to bitch, the Town Hall meeting was last night.” or “If I was retired and had nothing better to do with my time, I’d probably bitch a lot too.”
Or I could have just kept quiet, since she wasn’t talking to me. But I didn’t.
So there you have it. It’s Friday and I’m a hero.