It seems that people end up at my secret dear diary spot one of 2 ways: by googling Bear Grylls and by searching for decorated eggs, wax eggs, pysanky, Ukrainian eggs, Easter egg crafts, Ukrainian egg designs, Ukrainian decorated pysanky eggs, velikonoce.
So here’s an egg I made for Bear Grylls.
If he contacts me I will give him details on how to claim his prize. And then he’ll probably eat it.
But enough about eggs. What I really want to tell you diary, is that I just started reading The Ticking is the Bomb by Nick Flynn, who writes with a beautiful cadence and style. It’s what I like to call lean writing. Fresh, healthy and without all that fat the other brands have. He has no use for unnecessary fillers and dyes, unlike Jeannie Ralston (see below) whose sentences are full of trans fats. More on her later.
Flynn is the author of Another Bullshit Night in Suck City, which is perhaps my favorite book title ever. If I had empty space on my walls I would buy a copy just so that I could get the the cover framed. Actually I do still have empty wall space. Hint, hint.
So back to Jeannie Ralston and how much her writing annoys me. I’ve been carrying around a piece paper with some of her lousy sentences. I’m growing quite fond of them, in the way you might grow fond of the scratch on your car door. Which is to say not at all. Yet I feel compelled to share them with you diary.
” I saw his eyebrows shift, like levers on a pinball machine, from polite interest to concern.”
Have mercy –
“That night I felt like I was napping in an ogre’s armpit. “
In other words, something smelled, and it was probably that rotten sentence.
“It was an angry cumulonimbus column that slowly obliterated the setting sun.”
She shoots. And misses.
And with that I will end my tirade on greasy, fat-laden sentences. My diet will include only cage-free, organic writing from now on. I’m not reading anything that’s not good for me.
Now where’s my beer?