Archive for the ‘dubloons’ Category

merp

October 20, 2012

Warning: this is not clever or poetic.

Yesterday I was waiting at a light and an Atlas Moving Van was in the next lane. After 23 seconds I could smell the exhaust. I inhaled deeply. I felt like I was in Pennsylvania. I liked it.

 

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That kind of girl

August 7, 2011

I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of girl who doesn’t have to worry when her lawnmower won’t start.

I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of girl who doesn’t have to take her car for oil changes.

I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of girl who doesn’t check the price before she buys something.

I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of girl who gets her nails done.

I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of girl who orders fancy drinks that come with paper umbrellas.

I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of girl who sees the fire ants before she steps in them.

I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of girl who enjoys  a good steak

I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of girl who breaks rules.

I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of girl who attracts attention.

I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of girl who gets flowers.

I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of girl who is helpless.

I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of girl who accepts help.

I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of girl who has a messy house.

I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of girl who can sleep through the night.

I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of girl who never reads.

I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of girl who plays farmville during work.

I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of girl who cuts in front of people.

I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of girl who doesn’t care.

That and a dime will get you a cup of Canada

March 24, 2009

This weekend I went to America. Or I left America. I’m not really sure which. But there were stupid people there who said stupid things.

In Publix on Saturday I tried to pass myself off as a Real American with my cart full of Tastycakes and Cheetos. But the cashier was young, blonde, and highly trained. As I handed her a fistful of American dollars and a dime she immediately detected my un-Americanishness. 

She clutched the dime and licked her lips excitedly. She held the dime  up to the light for a moment until she  appeared to remember that coins don’t have watermarks. She turned the coin back and forth in her hand, squinting thoughtfully,  then announced to me and everyone within a 10 mile radius, “This dime is CANADIAN. I can’t take it.”

I gave her my best raised eyebrows and said “Uhhhhhhh, why not?”

“Because this is America! And we use American money here,” she said.

 She was serious.

I muttered a bit, dug around for another dime, ignored her when she told me to have a good day, and left the store feeling defeated  Canadian.

Back at my car, as I loaded in my groceries I thought about how many times I would not use my turn signals on the way home. I made  the 10 minute journey back to Canadia, where I spent the night saying “eh”, drinking Molson and listening to the Tragically Hip.

Experience that counts

September 7, 2008

I suck at Paint, but it’s the thought that counts.

Promoted to ass

June 26, 2008

An elderly client who is cute as the dickens (that’s right) scribbled on an envelope: Mary Dawer – {insert attorney’s name here} Ass. That’s me! I’m the Ass.

So the name’s a little off and he probably means assistant. I’ll take it.

I dreamed my whole life of being an Ass and now I am one. The client said so.

It’s true then, that thing that every glass half full person says. If you believe in yourself and work hard enough you can make your dreams come true. I know mine have!

I’m very proud. I think I’ll celebrate by shitting out some pleadings and maybe a dozen cupcakes just to show off.

Lost finale = scrumptious

May 30, 2008

The Lost finale = scrumptious. This is why:

Sayid kicked ass, time traveling bunnies, checkmate Mr. Eko, whispers, miracles, Keamy is dead-Keamy is alive, Ben kills Keamy, “boom,” Miles eats peanuts, Rose only has 2 lines, wheel, Sun’s Emmy-winning screams, liquid nitrogen, chopper repair with duck tape, Des & Pen reunited, Des & Pen kiss, “I love you Penny and I’m never going to leave you again,” Kate & Sawyer kiss, rum, whispers, Sawyer goes for a swim, explosions, Michael redeems himself, Sundance, Daniel still wearing a tie, Kate slaps Jack, Jack looks hot, Sayid looks hot, Des looks hot, Sawyer looks hot, “paranoia keeps me alive”, Dharma training video.  “So?”

Lost out of my mind in Florida

March 14, 2008

hiaasen1.jpg

So I listened to a very funny Carl Hiaasen this week at the GCCF luncheon. Not only was he funny but his eyes were very blue, blue, blue. I bought a book for him to sign and me to read and said something really brilliant like,  “As long as you’re in Florida we have at least one treasure.”  I hate myself and my inability to be undorky.

Oh and the food was really good. The folks at my table were old Florida hoity-toity people who live on keys.

Lost was brilliant last night with Jin & Sun’s gut wrenching flashback/flashforward. How fun it is to be fooled by writers as clever as Lindelof and Cuse. They did it for me and me alone.

There are mockingbirds building a nest in my trellis. It has to be way difficult to build a nest. My son claims that “anyone can build a nest,” but I don’t see him building any.

It’s been since I’ve had a Krispy Kreme. I don’t even know where they sell them around here any more.

I love Mike TV’s blogs.

It was enough

March 6, 2008

I’m still obsessing about Des & Pen’s conversation. I have nothing else to fixate on – so why not a TV show and all its imagined philosophical implications?

The final lines from “The Constant” after the phone dies:

SAYID: I’m sorry. The power source went dead, it’s all we have.

DESMOND: Thank you, Sayid. It was enough.

SAYID: Are you alright now?

DESMOND: Aye. I’m perfect.

It was enough? It was enough!!! Aye. I just love that man. 

How do we determine what’s enough? Oh that’s right, most of us don’t. That’s why we’re a nation of overweight, debt-ridden, depressed, substance abusers. We’re conditioned to believe we should never be satisfied.

Coffee at home from the coffee maker isn’t enough – it has to be sexy, overpriced coffee from the coffee shop. A nice, reliable economy car isn’t enough – it has to be a lard-ass SUV to carry all the athletic gear you never use because you’re too much of a lard-ass to go outside or even fit in an economy car. Playing with and reading to your child isn’t enough, you have to enroll him in classes, sports and activities that are enrichingly sterile. Learning from your mistakes isn’t enough, it has to be a journey. A house isn’t enough, it has to be a house that’s more than you can afford and filled with gadgets and fine furnishings so that when you slip into foreclosure you can elicit sympathy. Breasts aren’t enough, they have to be big boobs. Empathizing with someone isn’t enough, you have to tell them “everything happens for a reason.”Bitching isn’t enough, it has to be a rant.

Of course, other than the last point about bitching,  I conveniently left out all the excesses I am guilty of. What satisfaction is there in criticizing people based on their collective preferences and viewpoints if I’m not going to enjoy the smug feeling?

That wouldn’t be enough – for me.