October 20, 2012

Warning: this is not clever or poetic.

Yesterday I was waiting at a light and an Atlas Moving Van was in the next lane. After 23 seconds I could smell the exhaust. I inhaled deeply. I felt like I was in Pennsylvania. I liked it.



Donkey wisdom

September 28, 2012


The new girl started. The old girl is gone. The oldest girl remains.

I miss the old girl.

Now instead of rolling my eyes at her or making sarcastic comments in the copy room, I am reduced to dashing off scathing emails about what the new girl is doing with her boss/husband. Or what the new girl isn’t doing. Or the way the new girl sighs loudly when she finishes a phone conversation. It’s like a backwards break-up.

And my venom is all very dull, and misdirected and immature. I know it is but I can’t help myself. I feel compelled to complain out of a sense of loyalty to the old girl who got a lousy deal.  Did I say boss/husband? Oh that’s right. The old girl’s boss laid her off and hired his wife.  The silver lining in this cloud is that he’s not my boss. But still.

“We can’t all, and some of us don’t. That’s all there is to it.”

“Can’t all what?” said Pooh, rubbing his nose.

“Gaiety. Song-and-dance. Here we go round the mulberry bush.”

Stars or crosses

August 19, 2012


Who can tell me what’s going on here?

1) Nothing

2) The pattern of diagonal crosses symbolizes the universal theme of star crossed lovers whose tragic quest for  romance will eventually destroy them.

3) There seems to be a pattern of making a certain a repetitious pattern. And also making it white on dark blue.

Yes, the answer is 3! You win nothing. Now get back to reading between the lines  and stop wasting time on the internet.



August 4, 2012


Enjoying a quiet moment watching the sky turn.

A large bird soared right over my head this morning. I thought maybe it was Hedwig, but it was more hawk than owl.

Even so, I might just be a wizard because I managed to get the lawn mower started. And I mowed the front and sides and pulled some weeds, even though I have been unable to stand up straight for the past 2 days.

And my face was all glowy long afterwards.



Yet another title

July 14, 2012

Do you see what’s going on here? There’s a chair, and it’s in front of a green wall, and there’s a knitted blanket casually draped over the back of the chair. Do you know why? Because I made it. I like to make things, then stand back and look at them and say “Hey, I made that.”

Point of contention: it’s not really a blanket, it’s a shawl -for my church’s prayer shawl ministry. But it could just as easily be called a prayer blanket ministry.  Or a prayer shlanket ministry. In any event I made something that actually serves a purpose and has zero calories. It has borders of YO, K2tog. Heh, heh. That’s knitter talk.

Now that I’ve knitted a few things, can I add fiber artist to my resume?

You probably shouldn’t have had kids

June 29, 2012

Hey hurried lady in Lowe’s. I heard you and I was watching you. I heard you screaming “I don’t have time for this,” over and over to your 3 year old who was crying in the parking lot.

I’m pretty sure your 3 year old heard you too, since you were screaming at him. Oh and your 6 year old definitely heard you. I could tell by the way he trotted alongside you looking worried and uncomfortable. It was clear he’d witnessed mommy’s lack of self-control before.

You know what’s lousy, besides you? Telling a kid that you ” don’t have time for this.” That’s pretty lousy because “this” means him and his inability to control the fact that he’s hot or tired or thirsty or ummm, oh right, 3 years old.

Hey hurried lady in Lowe’s, you know what else is a lousy, besides you? Yanking your kid roughly by the arm, and heaving him up in disgust like he’s a bag of feed. That’s pretty damn lousy. Do you like being treated like you’re a bag of feed? Well then neither does your kid.

I’m not Dr. Phil but I was thinking that maybe the next time your tot has a hard time controlling his emotions, you could try setting an example instead of having your own tantrum. Try listening instead of bellowing about how you didn’t get to go to the gym. Try hugs and kisses and tickles instead of brute force.

Or maybe try birth control.

Because if you think your 3 year old is a sack of feed you probably shouldn’t have had kids. And if you think going to the gym is more fun than your 3 year old you probably shouldn’t have had kids. And if  you can’t tolerate the sound of a child crying, you probably shouldn’t have had kids. And if you think you’re more important than your kid because you’re taller and weigh more you probably shouldn’t have had kids.

And if you’re just a self-centered, high maintenance, short-tempered dim witted bitch you definitely shouldn’t have had kids.

Drippety drip drip drip

June 23, 2012

It has been raining, raining and raining some more.

I’m content on rainy days because it’s always unrelentingly bright and sunny in Florida. Rarely do we have a day of continuous, gentle rain.

During a lull last night I ran out and bought necessities: catfood, scones and yarn. Today I put new liner down in the kitchen drawers. I made chocolate chip cookies. I did laundry and vacuumed and mopped and changed sheets. I drank coffee. I started work on a new egg. I watched 2 episodes of The Forsyte Saga Season II. I stared out the window. I emptied the garbage. I balanced the checkbook.

And I did it all on 4 hours of sleep.

Imagine what I could accomplish if I lived in Seattle.


June 16, 2012

She liked to look at In the Garden With Jane Austen and The Wild Braid: A Poet Reflects on a Century in the Garden and imagine that she too could have a garden. A garden like the one she had up north with peonies and lady’s mantle and lamb’s ears. But of course she lived in the south now with mosquitoes and lubbers and fire ants and gardening was much more of a challenge and much less enjoyable.

She dug up little borders alongside the patio anyway, and planted some ornamental grasses and honeysuckle and coreopsis and prostate rosemary. It was a very small accomplishment.

Then the summer rains started. And beautiful tender little grasses started sprouting in the beds along with weeds. Now she not only missed the gardens up north, but the soft, cushiony lawns too. She dug and raked and  pulled out as much of the grass as she could. She spread mulch, so that at least for a morning or two or even three she could enjoy the tidiness of her very small accomplishment.

When she finished there were constellations of no-seeum bites on her legs and dirt under her nails. She took a nice, long shower and ate a popsicle and was happy to see that the bites were already fading.


May 24, 2012

ImageHot day.

Rainy night.

New apron.

Cupcake shaped measuring cups.

Heart-shaped bamboo spoon.

Beer bread.

Blurry photo.

This is the easiest recipe ever. It smells great while it’s baking  and it’s tasty too. Impress your friends and family.

3 cups flour, 1 cup sugar, 3 teaspoons baking powder, 1 teaspoon salt, a little cinnamon, 12 ounce can of beer (the cheaper the better) Mix all and spread in a greased pan. Bake at 400 for an hour.